OMG CDT!
June 27, 2009 12:01 AM
Dear CDT™ Reader,
There's nothing like waking up to a toasty-hot, sunshiny-bright, freshly baked, wholesome slab of the Celebrity Death Trio™ first thing in the morning.
But waking up to today's edition is like having the most delicious breakfast ever. Really. Even we are in awe of the sheer star power of this installment of the CDT™.
It's one of those occasions where we wonder if we're really up to the task, whether we have the mettle to do justice to these ex-celebs who have bought the farm and sold their souls in order to pay the piper. Because this may be the most star-studded set of dirtnaps in the history of the CDT™. Oh sure, some of you are shaking your heads, thinking "What about the 'Band On The Run-way' entry for Lynyrd Skynyrd back in October 1977? Or the '24-Hour Trifecta' of Janet Leigh, Rodney Dangerfield, and astronaut Gordon Cooper on October 6, 2004?"
Okay, those were classics; we'll admit it. But this week put more high-profile celestial bodies into the ground than a badly planned NASA launch. These are the kind of celebs that get to cut straight to the front of the line for St. Pete's Meet & Greet. Hell, they don't even need invitations. They just need to show up.
And they did. All of them. In a casket.
Herewith, the departed.
• Ed McMahon
Second banana and pitchman. 86. It's hard to be the best sidekick ever, especially since sidekicks can never get top billing. But Big Ed turned a sidekick gig into one of the great TV careers of all time. From 1962 to 1992 he played second fiddle to Johnny Carson on "The Tonight Show" . . . and he allegedly got paid $5 million a year for it. Not bad for a former Marine Corps fighter pilot and TV clown. In addition to laughing at all of Johnny's jokes, Ed hosted Star Search and numerous game shows, co-hosted both "TV Bloopers and Practical Jokes" and the Jerry Lewis Telethons, and did commercials for everything from Budweiser and Alpo to American Family Publishers sweepstakes. Ed's later years were marked by the kind of jokes he might have laughed at on The Tonight Show: he kept injuring himself in bizarre ways (falls, household mold, botched surgeries) and he lost his fortune on bad investments, making the potential foreclosure of his mansion a running national gag. Ed had recently been hospitalized for a number of ailments, although it's believed he died from bone cancer.
• Farrah Fawcett
Actress. 62. We'll skip the jokes about how she's now a real angel. (After all, she probably has to stop in Purgatory first, right?) Farrah defined big-haired blond California sex appeal like no other woman before or since. The famous poster of her in a red bathing suit is reportedly the biggest selling wall and mattress ornament in history, selling more than 12 million copies. Because of her one-year stint on "Charlie's Angels," her brief marriage to "Six Million Dollar Man" star Lee Majors, and a series of pathetically bad movies, most of us forget that she could really act, with stellar performances in "The Burning Bed" and "The Apostle." Admittedly, she got pretty wiggy in recent years. An appearance on the Letterman show left people wondering if there was anything solid between her ears. Then when she contracted a rare form of cancer that few people had ever heard of, let alone would say out loud (yes, it was anal cancer), Farrah turned her illness into an end-of-life reality show. Her longtime significant other, Ryan O'Neal - no stranger to weirdness himself - asked Farrah to marry him just over a week ago. Due to his bad timing, or hers, the marriage never took place. And her return to the spotlight, albeit post-mortem, couldn't have been timed any worse, either, since she died only hours before our next celeb, namely . . .
• Michael Jackson
Musician. 50. Where to start with this one? As doctors try to figure out why he went into cardiac arrest, we look back and remember Wacko Jacko as being the butt of more pedophile jokes than the Catholic Coalition of Priests. But let's put that behind us, shall we? and think only of the Michael who was a truly great entertainer . . . before the skin peels, Neverland Ranch, the nose jobs, the marriage to Lisa Marie Presley, Bubbles the Chimp, the hyperbaric chamber, the stupid glove, the surrogate mother/kids, the pre-teen sleepovers, and the near-bankruptcy. Think instead of the Jackson 5 and "ABC," "I'll Be There," and "Dancing Machine." Think of the biggest selling album of all time, "Thriller." Think of the Moonwalk, the defining dance move of the '80s. Think of "Ben," "Billy Jean," and "Beat It." Think of Michael duping Paul McCartney out of ownership rights to The Beatles' best songs. That's the Michael Jackson the world mourns for. But you know, we think there may be some cosmic-level karma at work here: when Michael idiotically proclaimed himself the "King Of Pop," he probably didn't realize it would refer to the sound his aorta would make during his last moment on Earth.
RIP, one and all.
Hanging Around
June 12, 2009 04:35 AM
Dear CDT Reader,
There was a decidedly 1970's theme this week at the Celebrity Death Trio. Not in a happy Partridge Family way; more in an uneasy "trapped in a time machine" way. Just thinking about what was going on in hotel rooms over in Thailand left us all tied up in knots. In fact, 70's legend David "Hung Fu" Carradine threatened to be his own CDT, given the number of different ways he allegedly died.
But we're all about facts here at the CDT, and we don't like to get all hung up on speculation, or roped into one theory or another. We just want to make sure that every celebrity gets to pass through the velvet rope that marks the entrance to Heaven, or nirvana, or the Forever After Fern Bar & Grill (designed, coincidentally, by one of this week's dead celebrities). So take a deep breath, raise your glass, and toast our swingin' celebs while they're hanging out at the bar.
Herewith, the departed.
• David Carradine
Actor. 72. Beloved as the character Kwai Chang Caine (don't you just love saying that out loud?), Carradine's work on the TV show "Kung Fu" made him a pop culture icon for decades. That wasn't easy, given that his dad was the iconic John Carradine, a veteran of horror movies and Westerns, and his two brothers were both in the biz. A good actor who chose questionable roles in over 100 movies (except for playing Woodie Guthrie in "Bound For Glory"), Carradine turned his martial arts shtick into a career resuscitating role in the sleek gorefest that was "Kill Bill, Parts1 and 2." His life was apparently on the upswing as new roles headed his way, but autoerotic asphyxiation choked the life out of any further theatrical endeavors. RIP, Grasshopper . . . it was a knotty way to go.
• Norman Brinker
Restaurateur. 78. You didn't know his name, but the CDT would bet the entire stimulus package that you ate his food. Brinker invented the concepts, for better or worse, of 1) casual dining with serve yourself salad bars, and 2) the fern bar, that place that made happy hours for singles so appealing during our post-college days (oh yeah, you spent a lot of time in those, didn't you?). Brinker began by creating Steak & Ale in the 1960s, and when he sold that, he created Bennigans. Not content to stop there, he went on to build Chili's into the national standard for sanitized Mexican food. By the time he left the business, he owned over 1000 restaurants. Married four times, Brinker was a polo fanatic and was on the 1952 U.S. Olympic equestrian team. You'd think someone with his taste in restaurants and food would be an unmarried accountant who lived at home with his mom. Go figure.
• Kenny Rankin
Musician. 69. Unlike Norman Brinker, above, you knew Kenny's name, but probably can't name a single song he sang or wrote. We'll help you out. He wrote the hit "Peaceful" for Helen Reddy, played guitar in Bob Dylan's band, and was asked by Paul McCartney to induct him into the Songwriter's Hall of Fame. Rankin was a staple of The Tonight Show for decades, appearing more than two dozen times, and - ironically - his biggest hits came when he was covering other people's songs, like The Beatles' "Blackbird." His career peaked in the 1970s, but he continued to record everything from jazz albums to pop songs right up until his death from lung cancer. So now you know what he did, but don't sit around waiting for his next album.
BTW, we can't help but mention that three other minor celebs died this past week, each with a playful name that caught our eye and gave us momentary pause. We'd be remiss in not mentioning them here:
Koko Taylor: legendary blues singer
Omar Bongo: president of Gabon
Pete Townshend: British economics guru (and not the leader of The Who)
RIP, one and all.
There was a decidedly 1970's theme this week at the Celebrity Death Trio. Not in a happy Partridge Family way; more in an uneasy "trapped in a time machine" way. Just thinking about what was going on in hotel rooms over in Thailand left us all tied up in knots. In fact, 70's legend David "Hung Fu" Carradine threatened to be his own CDT, given the number of different ways he allegedly died.
But we're all about facts here at the CDT, and we don't like to get all hung up on speculation, or roped into one theory or another. We just want to make sure that every celebrity gets to pass through the velvet rope that marks the entrance to Heaven, or nirvana, or the Forever After Fern Bar & Grill (designed, coincidentally, by one of this week's dead celebrities). So take a deep breath, raise your glass, and toast our swingin' celebs while they're hanging out at the bar.
Herewith, the departed.
• David Carradine
Actor. 72. Beloved as the character Kwai Chang Caine (don't you just love saying that out loud?), Carradine's work on the TV show "Kung Fu" made him a pop culture icon for decades. That wasn't easy, given that his dad was the iconic John Carradine, a veteran of horror movies and Westerns, and his two brothers were both in the biz. A good actor who chose questionable roles in over 100 movies (except for playing Woodie Guthrie in "Bound For Glory"), Carradine turned his martial arts shtick into a career resuscitating role in the sleek gorefest that was "Kill Bill, Parts1 and 2." His life was apparently on the upswing as new roles headed his way, but autoerotic asphyxiation choked the life out of any further theatrical endeavors. RIP, Grasshopper . . . it was a knotty way to go.
• Norman Brinker
Restaurateur. 78. You didn't know his name, but the CDT would bet the entire stimulus package that you ate his food. Brinker invented the concepts, for better or worse, of 1) casual dining with serve yourself salad bars, and 2) the fern bar, that place that made happy hours for singles so appealing during our post-college days (oh yeah, you spent a lot of time in those, didn't you?). Brinker began by creating Steak & Ale in the 1960s, and when he sold that, he created Bennigans. Not content to stop there, he went on to build Chili's into the national standard for sanitized Mexican food. By the time he left the business, he owned over 1000 restaurants. Married four times, Brinker was a polo fanatic and was on the 1952 U.S. Olympic equestrian team. You'd think someone with his taste in restaurants and food would be an unmarried accountant who lived at home with his mom. Go figure.
• Kenny Rankin
Musician. 69. Unlike Norman Brinker, above, you knew Kenny's name, but probably can't name a single song he sang or wrote. We'll help you out. He wrote the hit "Peaceful" for Helen Reddy, played guitar in Bob Dylan's band, and was asked by Paul McCartney to induct him into the Songwriter's Hall of Fame. Rankin was a staple of The Tonight Show for decades, appearing more than two dozen times, and - ironically - his biggest hits came when he was covering other people's songs, like The Beatles' "Blackbird." His career peaked in the 1970s, but he continued to record everything from jazz albums to pop songs right up until his death from lung cancer. So now you know what he did, but don't sit around waiting for his next album.
BTW, we can't help but mention that three other minor celebs died this past week, each with a playful name that caught our eye and gave us momentary pause. We'd be remiss in not mentioning them here:
Koko Taylor: legendary blues singer
Omar Bongo: president of Gabon
Pete Townshend: British economics guru (and not the leader of The Who)
RIP, one and all.
Dom. Dom, Dom, Dom. DOM.
May 15, 2009 11:11 PM
Dear CDT™ Reader,
The economy is really getting back into the groove quickly, isn’t it? Jeez, warm up the weather and the world goes out shopping for just about everything. Including caskets.
One week ago we were lamenting the thin pickings here the Celebrity Death Trio™ World Headquarters during the past few months. Truth be told, we were operating with a skeleton crew that would make Chrysler envious. But no sooner had we hit the “send” button on last week’s CDT™ than a new trio marched up to the Pearly Gates, demanding entrance and perhaps something to eat. All of a sudden, we ended up with two guys named Dom and two sports legends. Really, what are the chances of that happening? You have better odds of getting your money back from Bernie Madoff. And he’s not even dead, although he should be.
Herewith, the departed.
• Dom DeLuise
Actor. 75. DeLuise was a large, funny man with a scruffy beard and more than a bit of camp to his style. Although he got his start in the 1960s on TV, his career was defined exclusively by over-the-top film comedies. Dom was a favorite of director Mel Brooks (appearing in “The 12 Chairs,” “Blazing Saddles, “Silent Movie,” “Spaceballs,” among others) and a friend of Burt Reynolds, with whom he co-starred in “Smokey & The Bandit II,” “Cannonball Run,” and “The End.” His portly shape, always topped with a silly white beret, was the result of a love affair with food that ultimately resulted in DeLuise penning several cookbooks. Although his comedy was of the slapstick variety, he was often confused with more serious fellow actor and gastronome James Coco (CDT Class of 1987). Now that they’re both dead, it’s going to be even tougher to tell them apart.
• Dom DiMaggio
Baseball player. 92. It’s hard living in the shadow of a sibling who gets all the credit and all the fame. Just ask each of Alec Baldwin’s brothers. But Dominic DiMaggio was a baseball legend in his own right. Playing for the Boston Red Sox – the avowed enemies of the Yankees, led by older brother Joe (CDT Class of 1999) – “The Little Professor” was a seven-time All Star, batted over .300 in four seasons, and led the American League twice in runs scored. Dom served in the Navy for three years during World War II, an interruption in his career that many said kept him from the Hall of Fame, a major oversight since his defensive abilities were considered to be superior to Joltin’ Joe’s. Still ranked as one of the greatest players to ever don a Red Sox uniform, his departure now provides an answer to that unasked Simon & Garfunkel question: “Where have you gone, Dom DiMaggio?”
• Chuck Daly
Basketball coach. 78. Daly is revered among b-ball fans not only for leading the Detroit Pistons to back-to-back championships in 1989 and 1990, but for coaching the 1992 “Dream Team” to victory in the Olympics. He was respected in both college and pro circles as a coach who could get notoriously difficult players – like Dennis Rodman, Isaiah Thomas, and former Notre Damer Bill Laimbeer -- to work together for the good of the team. While still working, he was inducted into the Basketball Hall Of Fame in 1994, and went on to coach the New Jersey Nets and Orlando Magic. He died from pancreatic cancer, which is what Patrick Swayze and Steve Jobs are currently battling. Hopefully, they’ll have a better win/loss record than Chuck had in this particular competition.
RIP, one and all.
The economy is really getting back into the groove quickly, isn’t it? Jeez, warm up the weather and the world goes out shopping for just about everything. Including caskets.
One week ago we were lamenting the thin pickings here the Celebrity Death Trio™ World Headquarters during the past few months. Truth be told, we were operating with a skeleton crew that would make Chrysler envious. But no sooner had we hit the “send” button on last week’s CDT™ than a new trio marched up to the Pearly Gates, demanding entrance and perhaps something to eat. All of a sudden, we ended up with two guys named Dom and two sports legends. Really, what are the chances of that happening? You have better odds of getting your money back from Bernie Madoff. And he’s not even dead, although he should be.
Herewith, the departed.
• Dom DeLuise
Actor. 75. DeLuise was a large, funny man with a scruffy beard and more than a bit of camp to his style. Although he got his start in the 1960s on TV, his career was defined exclusively by over-the-top film comedies. Dom was a favorite of director Mel Brooks (appearing in “The 12 Chairs,” “Blazing Saddles, “Silent Movie,” “Spaceballs,” among others) and a friend of Burt Reynolds, with whom he co-starred in “Smokey & The Bandit II,” “Cannonball Run,” and “The End.” His portly shape, always topped with a silly white beret, was the result of a love affair with food that ultimately resulted in DeLuise penning several cookbooks. Although his comedy was of the slapstick variety, he was often confused with more serious fellow actor and gastronome James Coco (CDT Class of 1987). Now that they’re both dead, it’s going to be even tougher to tell them apart.
• Dom DiMaggio
Baseball player. 92. It’s hard living in the shadow of a sibling who gets all the credit and all the fame. Just ask each of Alec Baldwin’s brothers. But Dominic DiMaggio was a baseball legend in his own right. Playing for the Boston Red Sox – the avowed enemies of the Yankees, led by older brother Joe (CDT Class of 1999) – “The Little Professor” was a seven-time All Star, batted over .300 in four seasons, and led the American League twice in runs scored. Dom served in the Navy for three years during World War II, an interruption in his career that many said kept him from the Hall of Fame, a major oversight since his defensive abilities were considered to be superior to Joltin’ Joe’s. Still ranked as one of the greatest players to ever don a Red Sox uniform, his departure now provides an answer to that unasked Simon & Garfunkel question: “Where have you gone, Dom DiMaggio?”
• Chuck Daly
Basketball coach. 78. Daly is revered among b-ball fans not only for leading the Detroit Pistons to back-to-back championships in 1989 and 1990, but for coaching the 1992 “Dream Team” to victory in the Olympics. He was respected in both college and pro circles as a coach who could get notoriously difficult players – like Dennis Rodman, Isaiah Thomas, and former Notre Damer Bill Laimbeer -- to work together for the good of the team. While still working, he was inducted into the Basketball Hall Of Fame in 1994, and went on to coach the New Jersey Nets and Orlando Magic. He died from pancreatic cancer, which is what Patrick Swayze and Steve Jobs are currently battling. Hopefully, they’ll have a better win/loss record than Chuck had in this particular competition.
RIP, one and all.
Loosen That Deathgrip
May 05, 2009 05:55 AM
Dear CDT™ Reader,
As the recession lightens its white-knuckle grip on the economy, so too are celebrities unlocking their deathgrip on staying alive. This is good new for the Celebrity Death Trio™, which is starting to feel like the long winter of everyone's discontent is over. Plus, if celebrities started living forever, we'd confuse them with brain dead zombies, walking the earth with no regard for the living. Wait a minute, come to think of it . . .
Nonetheless, the CDT is happy to be back on the case. Or on the slab, as it were.
Herewith, the departed.
• Jack Kemp
Politician and football star. 73. Kemp was one of those guys who seemed to be everywhere on Capitol Hill once he got elected. Prior to heading to the Beltway, he was an all-star quarterback for the San Diego Chargers and Buffalo Bills in the 1960s. His fame helped him get elected as Buffalo's congressman, which he followed up with a stint as secretary of housing and urban development for George HW Bush. He unsuccessfully tried to run for President in 1988, and was Bob Dole's running mate in 1996. While many claimed that Kemp was a GOP favorite due to his John F. Kennedy-esque looks (not to mention the initials attached to Jack French Kemp), he was actually a savvy and progressive politician who took the lead on tax cuts and trying to get the Republican Party to expand its ethnic base beyond entitled whites.
• Bea Arthur
Actress. 86. Arthur was a sitcom staple during a time not so long ago when sitcoms were more popular than reality shows. She was the title character in "Maude," a 1972 spin-off of "All In The Family" that was one of the first TV shows to embrace the feminist movement and address topics such as abortion and infidelity. She then parlayed her graying years into "The Golden Girls," a sitcom that traded the allure of pert young breasts for jokes about menopause and growing old. Bea was a big woman with a deep voice, and was the butt of more "manly" jokes than Arnold Schwarzenegger, but she handled it in grand style and caustic wit. Her 11 Emmy nominations, and two wins, coupled with her numerous Broadway roles, ensured that she was twice the man that most of her detractors were.
• Hans Holzer
Ghost hunter. 89. Holzer was perhaps the world's most famous ghost hunter, writing hundreds of books about haunted houses, the supernatural, aliens, witches, and the afterlife . . . all those things that we live for here at CDT™ headquarters. He studied religion and parapsychology in London before visiting haunted places around the world in search of ghosts. His biggest break came as an investigator into the events that occurred at a little house in Amityville, New York. He spent time summoning spirits in that house, and claimed that its horrors stemmed from the misfortune of being built on an Indian burial ground. Holzer took great relish in his work, stating that "a ghost is only a fellow human being in trouble." We've got to admit, this is one of those deaths where it's like the celeb is actually getting to keep his day job.
RIP, one and all.
As the recession lightens its white-knuckle grip on the economy, so too are celebrities unlocking their deathgrip on staying alive. This is good new for the Celebrity Death Trio™, which is starting to feel like the long winter of everyone's discontent is over. Plus, if celebrities started living forever, we'd confuse them with brain dead zombies, walking the earth with no regard for the living. Wait a minute, come to think of it . . .
Nonetheless, the CDT is happy to be back on the case. Or on the slab, as it were.
Herewith, the departed.
• Jack Kemp
Politician and football star. 73. Kemp was one of those guys who seemed to be everywhere on Capitol Hill once he got elected. Prior to heading to the Beltway, he was an all-star quarterback for the San Diego Chargers and Buffalo Bills in the 1960s. His fame helped him get elected as Buffalo's congressman, which he followed up with a stint as secretary of housing and urban development for George HW Bush. He unsuccessfully tried to run for President in 1988, and was Bob Dole's running mate in 1996. While many claimed that Kemp was a GOP favorite due to his John F. Kennedy-esque looks (not to mention the initials attached to Jack French Kemp), he was actually a savvy and progressive politician who took the lead on tax cuts and trying to get the Republican Party to expand its ethnic base beyond entitled whites.
• Bea Arthur
Actress. 86. Arthur was a sitcom staple during a time not so long ago when sitcoms were more popular than reality shows. She was the title character in "Maude," a 1972 spin-off of "All In The Family" that was one of the first TV shows to embrace the feminist movement and address topics such as abortion and infidelity. She then parlayed her graying years into "The Golden Girls," a sitcom that traded the allure of pert young breasts for jokes about menopause and growing old. Bea was a big woman with a deep voice, and was the butt of more "manly" jokes than Arnold Schwarzenegger, but she handled it in grand style and caustic wit. Her 11 Emmy nominations, and two wins, coupled with her numerous Broadway roles, ensured that she was twice the man that most of her detractors were.
• Hans Holzer
Ghost hunter. 89. Holzer was perhaps the world's most famous ghost hunter, writing hundreds of books about haunted houses, the supernatural, aliens, witches, and the afterlife . . . all those things that we live for here at CDT™ headquarters. He studied religion and parapsychology in London before visiting haunted places around the world in search of ghosts. His biggest break came as an investigator into the events that occurred at a little house in Amityville, New York. He spent time summoning spirits in that house, and claimed that its horrors stemmed from the misfortune of being built on an Indian burial ground. Holzer took great relish in his work, stating that "a ghost is only a fellow human being in trouble." We've got to admit, this is one of those deaths where it's like the celeb is actually getting to keep his day job.
RIP, one and all.